miércoles, 23 de abril de 2014

विरूपण (Distortion)

Bendito grito sordo que lleva treinta y un años conmigo,  agua densa,  arena movediza desértica con su viento seco y caluroso, pasos pesados tan cual si llevará al mundo en los talones,  avances inmóviles como aquellas pinturas de aquel artista que en su lecho de muerte queda plasmado en ellas y recobra vida, colgádos en una cueva pintoresca sin salida, imaginaria, inexistente, aunque haya estado ahí toda mi vida.

Atrapada en telarañas de ilusiones, irrompibles como voces sordas que gritan fuerte,  vibran y timbran indescifrables, con una incógnita con una sola pista con la palabra, "YO".

Fastidio irremediable de no saber más de lo que puedo y no querer poder mas de lo que sé, querer palparlo todo sin alcanzarlo, luego me susurra que ya lo sé. 

Buscando en un mapa roto que dice "Adentro"; Sin atajos, sin caminos, en medio de una selva de árboles y bestias que yo misma dibujé.

Vivo en la sala de espejos de un circo, la distorsión es mas fuerte cada vez, aun no sé si es un vicio, pero lo fumo está noche otra vez... 

jueves, 10 de abril de 2014

Damian (Alter ego)



I miss you Damian.

I see him sometimes, achievements all around, comfort & glory, his body present in the room of chiefs, fancy gear, but his hazel eyes... those hazel eyes are dead! They don't have the sparkle they had when together we jumped a fence with three bottles of wine and talked about freedom, or when under the moonlight on the beach we admired the music and the stars with our hands filled with sand, times that like sand quickly fell from our fingers, i take my time to look at your pictures, yes, success is all around you, but what is success?

Don't you understand my friend that i can read you? That on my birthday in sunrise i saw your big smile that day and it matched the sun, something i could never forget, my precious gift. All those late passionate talks about those whispers in your head, "they keep me awake" you said. "I will never be like them, i could never be like them"!
And as you stood up your mighty self beside the campfire! You pulled my hand and made me swear to never surrender my freedom! And there you are with a nice suit, and those eyes...

Life is tricky, i understand, being ourselves under the expectation of others who claim they just want the best, that by experience they know the best, it's like swimming against a river, arms hurt, everything hurts. Facing ourselves with the world, to have to choose between freedom and comfort, and all the fingers pointing at us, with a face of disgust, "You are worthless", they say with their eyes, we have expectations, you should be better, go higher, make us proud.

I try to find sense in life, roads are difficult to choose, but i don't want to think that conditioning my lifestyle to the norm, gaining wealth, and following protocol is called living.